Your Child’s Self-Esteem Evolves primarily through the quality of their relationship with you.
Because they can’t see themselves directly, they know themselves by reflection, we are in effect, mirrors to our children. The way you see them and believe in them is primarily the way they see and believe (or don’t believe) in themselves.
LEARN HOW TO BE A MIRROR THAT REFLECTS COMPETENCE & LOVE DURING THE DAILY DIFFICULT MOMENTS.
LEARNING IS MUCH EASIER…
When Serotonin and Dopamine levels are good. So what is the #1 thing that raises these??? Spending time with family & friends who support you, treat you like you are competent & make you feel like you belong. SO how do we do this during the daily trials and tribulations of parenting?
SCIENCE & PSYCHOLOGY HAVE FINALLY COME TOGETHER AND ARE GIVING US THE ANSWERS.
Cutting Edge Research Shows:
The parent child relationship is the crucial piece in healthy brain development.
Healthy brain connections, which lead to later success grow out of supportive, nurturing, and predictable care!
This type of care giving fosters self-confidence, a child’s curiosity, and creativity. It enables a child to feel safe, secure, and held in someone’s mind.
By building a secure parent-child relationship and making the most of everyday routines and experiences, children’s brain connections are wired to:
• Expect people to respond in a loving, caring manner
• Depend on other people when needed
• Recognize their importance to others
• Feel competent across developmental stages
• Behave appropriately according to their developmental stage
• Believe people enjoy being with them
• Understand how to regulate their emotions
• Feel it is safe and healthy to express how they feel
• Feel comforted and protected
• Believe people will delight in who they are and in their interests
Statistics repeatedly show that children with high self-esteem :
✓ learn faster and receive higher grades
✓ achieve more of their goals
✓ are less likely to become involved with drugs
✓ are less likely to be sexually active at a young age
At least twice a day, look them in the eyes and tell them you love them: Obviously you love your child, but do you convey it and how often? Think for a minute about when you were young. Obviously your parents loved you, but did you always feel loved?
Share with your child the happy memories about: your pregnancy – their birth – their 1st few weeks of life – when they were 2, 3 and on. You won’t believe how happy, loved and secure it makes them feel!
Put and keep two pictures beside their bed: one of them doing something they are good at and the other surrounded by family. It will instill images of being capable and loved before they fall asleep and when they wake up.
Play the – why I think your so special game: pick one member of the family, then, one by one, the other members have to say directly to the identified member the things that they think make them special. They have 30 seconds and they have to use all of it: “Joe, I think you’re special because you draw beautiful pictures, you make funny jokes, you cleaned your room yesterday.” etc.
Notice all the things they do right/ let them know you notice: “I love the way you folded your clothes.” “You were so patient when we were running errands before, thank you.”
Let your child overhear you bragging about them: “Sara is so good at math, she’s been trying so hard lately and her real talent is coming through.”
When ever possible let them make choices – don’t judge their choices unless they are unsafe: “Do you want to wear this shirt or that one?”. “I have a bunch of errands to do, do you want to come with me or stay home with Mary?” “Here’s $40, pick out the shoes you want.”
Children need praise: Use phrases like “I respect, I like, I admire, I love, I appreciate, – you helping your sister, your saying please and thank you, your being so patient, your honesty, your effort.”
Give them jobs at age 2 and up – it helps them feel significant and competent: e.g.; put napkins on the table, help unpack the groceries, help plan two days of a family vacation. – After, tell them what a good job they did and how helpful it was.
Teach them the Thomas Edison approach to failures: When trying to invent the light bulb, Edison “failed” over 25,000 times. When asked about it he responded “Failed? Today I know 25,000 ways not to make a light bulb!”
If you’re having a bad day, tell them so they don’t take it personally: “I just wanted to let you know I’m having a really bad day, I’m sorry if I’m extra grouchy, it’s not you.”
Use encouraging words: Think about when your child was learning to walk, every effort was celebrated. Don’t wait until they fully accomplish something; notice and celebrate the steps they are making along the way.
When they make good safe choices, tell them: “I’m so proud of the way you looked both ways before running after the ball when it went into the street.” “I’m so proud of the way you resisted the peer pressure to smoke.”
Point to the misbehavior not the child – A child is not bad, their behavior is: Start sentences with “I” instead of with “you”, instead of “you’re such a slob.” Say “I’m really bothered by this mess, please clean up your toys.” Instead of “ you’re impossible”, say: “I’m frustrated with all of your horsing around in the dentist’s office, I know it’s been a long time but please try to quietly read until it’s time to go.”
REMEMBER ALL BEHAVIOR THAT GETS ATTENTION WILL BE REPEATED! POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE!
EASY AND FUN WAYS TO TELL YOUR KIDS YOU LOVE THEM:
♥ Write “I love you” on a post-it, stick it in their lunch bag, school notebook, on their pillow etc.
♥ Take their hand and write “I love you” on their palm.
♥ Write them a card that says “just wanted to tell you how much I love you” Mail it.
♥ On a nice piece of paper, with a nice marker, write “I love you”, frame it and hang it in their room.
♥ Play the “I love you more than…” game. “I love you more than all the clouds in the sky, all the cabs in the city, all the balloons in the world,” etc.
♥ Buy a small light colored pillow, with indelible markers write “I love you” and draw designs on it, put it on their bed.
♥ Every night before they go to bed, tell them you love them, if you’re not home leave a note on their bed.
♥ Create a gesture, tell your child it means “I love you”. Use it at times when saying it out loud might embarrass them.